Summer Adventures

For many children and teens (and quite a few teachers) one of the greatest feelings is when the last bell rings to signal the start of summer vacation from school. As a kid, I couldn't wait until the last day of school. Summer vacation meant no more schedules to follow and no more homework every night to do. Now the fun would begin - bike riding, softball, kickball, Frisbee - you name it. Every day was a new adventure for us. One of my very favorite things to do in the summer was believe it or not was to sign up for the summer reading program at the library. That was where you could read any book you want and write down the title and the author and turn that form in towards the end of the summer. Then there would be a party for everyone who participated with lots of prizes!

I guess why I liked this so much was because I loved to read and enjoy the adventures of books (and I still do). I grew up reading Nancy Drew mysteries. My all time favorite book was "The Trouble with Jenny's Ear". I used to read it every summer. It's about this girl named Jenny who had ESP. Jeff actually found the book for me and now I have my own copy.

Lately I have been reading a book called "Shaped by the Story" by Michael Novelli and was amazed by some of the statistics he cited: "80 percent of graduating seniors say they'll never again voluntarily read a book" or "A 2006 study shows that the time kids spend reading for fun declines sharply after age eight and continues to drop off through the teenage years."

Stories play an important role in my life. I love reading and listening to people tell their stories about their lives. Stories, according to Michael Novelli, can challenge the way we think and live, stir our hearts toward empathy and compassion, move and shape us and so much more. Jesus was one of the best-storytellers as He drew parallels to our lives through His stories.

So my challenge for you this summer as parents is to read and tell some of those Bible stories to your children. One of my very favorite Bible Story Books is "The Jesus Storybook Bible" by Sally Lloyd-Jones or "Read with Me Bible" published by Zonderkidz. If you have more resources to share, please post them on the blog.

Some questions to think about: What was your favorite story growing up? What "stories" do you see the people around you giving their lives to? How might stories reshape the way you teach and learn from the Bible?

The Blessing

Did you hear what what the Pastor just said..."Find a partner and do what?" Wait a minute what else is he saying..."We are going to give each other a blessing." I'm not sure what that means. I don't think anybody else did either because as I looked around everybody was still just sitting there. Nobody was getting up and moving. Maybe he'll just forget all about it.

Oh no! He's saying it again, "If you are with your family, get together with your family." But what about me? But I'm all by myself. What do I do? I could feel myself getting really nervous. He's speaking again, "If you are by yourself, find a partner." What does that mean? I don't really know anyone very well so if I don't move then I won't have to do anything since the rest of my family and friends aren't here. You know if I just stare straight ahead and don't make eye contact - everything will be okay because hopefully nobody will notice me. But that's exactly when she spotted me and sat down beside me and asked, "do you mind if we do the blessing together"? What could I say, except for I guess that would be great. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

She took my hands, looked into my eyes and repeated these words after the Pastor, "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven" - Matthew 5:14,16. What a great feeling I had as she said those words. I couldn't help, but smile to myself.

I'm sure many people in our church had mixed emotions last weekend as they were asked to find someone and share the blessing with someone they might not know very well. We were asked to step out of our comfort zones. But as people shared their stories with me...I heard that children were beaming because their parents were sharing God's blessing with them in a way that had never happened before, I heard that their were tears of joy from strangers that had never experienced this before in that way. The family of God was sharing God's love with one another, and doing in a way that nobody would be excluded. What a powerful moment!

But we want to extend this not only to the church family, but to our families at home where we can share God's abundant grace and love everyday. If you haven't had a chance to read "The Family Blessing" by Rolf Garborg - I would encourage you to do so. It's a beautiful book discussing the journey of doing a blessing for your family. He tells this story about a friend of his:

This friend started doing a blessing for his children and he at first started out with a simple blessing: "God bless you with grace and peace in Jesus' name. Amen." But then he wanted to add more so he said, "God bless you with grace and peace, power and protection, health and healing, holiness and godliness, abundance and prosperity, and all the fruit and gifts of the Holy Spirit, in Jesus' name. Amen". That's quite a list of blessings to remember.

One evening, this man was exhausted from a particularly demanding day, and as he blessed his children, he accidentally forgot a portion of the blessing. Immediately his young daughter interrupted. "Dad," she insisted, "don't forget the power and protection. That's important." Even a six year old was paying close attention, knowing every word was important.

My prayer for all of you is to continue to do a family blessing in your homes - this can be for your children, spouse or friends. If you need help getting started, just let me know - the hard part is actually getting started...Rolf writes, "Getting started with the blessing of your children is a little like replacing a light bulb. It really isn't much work when you actually do it; it doesn't take much time, and the results are better than you thought".

Share your experiences with giving a blessing in your family.

Late Night Advice

Knock, Knock! Was that really someone knocking at our bedroom door or was I just dreaming? There went the knocking again - I looked at the clock. It was after midnight - who would be knocking at our door now? Then I heard his voice - it was Jordan (our oldest) and he was calling my name - "Mom, I need to talk to you." I wondered ...is he OK? is he sick? Oh how I hate getting out of bed at this time. I finally got out of bed and I could tell Jeff was stirring... "What's going on, he asked. "Go back to sleep, I'll see - it's Jordan".

I finally crawled out of bed and stumbled over to the door to see why Jordan was standing there. "Jordan, are you sick?" I thought he must be because that was the only reason I knew that he would wake me up so late at night. "No", he said, "I'm feeling fine". "Then what's going on?" - I could slowly feel the irritation in my voice because I was wondering how long it would take me to fall back asleep. "I just need your opinion and advice". Wow, this is my seventeen year old asking me for advice. Now he had my attention because that doesn't happen very often.

"Well, he began, there's this girl who I know really likes me and she's from our church and I just don't feel the same way about her". How can I tell her this without hurting her feelings because I want to remain her friend?" Well...we sat down and talked about this for awhile and we came up with a solution . He felt relieved and actually told me thanks.

I went back into the bedroom and crawled back into bed. Jeff wanted to know what Jordan wanted and I said, "What else, girls! But for some reason Jordan wanted my advice. I couldn't help but smile as I fell back to sleep. I didn't really care that I wasn't going to get my eight hours of uninterrupted sleep that night. My son trusted me enough to ask for my advice!

I can't believe we are at the last letter of HEART - the "T" for talk to and listen to. Jeff and I have spent many years working on our relationship with our sons so that there is an environment where we can talk with and listen to our boys. There have been times of frustration and heartaches because at certain ages in the lives of teenagers - they think we as parents have no clue about the real world. Then there are those times when you have great conversations. There are those moments when you realize as you listen to them, that they share so many values and faith ideas with you. Or there are special times when your children actually want your input and value your opinions. It is really worth the investment of spending time and cultivating those relationships in your family.

How are you purposefully keeping the lines of communication open? When was the last time you responded to the opportunity to have a deeper conversation with your son or daughter? How do work on your skills to listen first, and then respond, rather than simply cutting your child off before you really understand them?

"Its MY Birthday, Right?"

"It's MY birthday, right?" I can still hear those words in my mind when Josiah turned four. We were living in Nashville at this time - this was the closest we had been to family in a long time. Jeff's dad and his wife lived about forty minutes away from us so they were coming to celebrate Josiah's birthday and he was excited! For a four year old, birthdays meant presents, cake, fun and lots of attention, especially with grandma and grandpa coming.

We had just finished eating dinner together and now it was finally the time Josiah had been waiting for with great anticipation - opening up all his presents. He was in the middle of the living room surrounded by his gifts. Jordan who was six was sittting close beside him so he could be part of the action too.

Josiah opened up his first present from grandpa and grandma, but then something happened that totally threw Josiah off his game. Grandma and grandpa had a present for Jordan too. Josiah didn't know how to handle this so he stood up and said in his cute little somewhat southern (remember he was born in Arkansas) four year old voice: "It's MY birthday, right?"

Everybody burst out laughing because how do you explain to a four year old why his six year old brother was getting a present too when it wasn't his birthday at all. Grandma and Grandpa patiently explained to him that they wanted to get Jordan a little something so that Jordan wouldn't feel totally left out. That explanation seemed to satisfy him and he ended up having a great birthday.

Over the years when Josiah celebrates his birthday - we all think of that story. In fact when he turned twenty I sent him a message saying..."It's MY birthday, right?" I laughed as I sent that message. And Josiah texted his own sign of laughter in return.

That's what the letter "R" in HEART is all about. It is for remembering the good times in your family. Your family has been building up its own collection of "good times" to remember. It can be a vacation you've gone on; special achievemnets or milstones you've celebrated, or holidays you've shared together. When we recall them, it's a time of reconnecting and sharing. The boys often ask us to retell stories that we've already retold numerous times. It's fun to laugh and remember the times we've had growing as a family.

This week reflect on some of the "good times" you've had with your family.

Roller Coasters

Without a doubt the hardest thing about moving from Omaha to Cleveland was the fact that our two sons opted to remain in Nebraska. We like to joke about the fact that while most kids grow up and move away to college, we did the opposite. But Jordan and Josiah like to come to Cleveland to visit - partly because we plan lots of things for us to do together. Their favorite thing by far is to go to Cedar Point (which is a huge amusement park for you non-Ohio readers). So on their first visit here, guess what was on the top of their list of things to do? Now Jeff is never too thrilled about going to amusement parks - roller coasters make him sick. Personally, I enjoy roller coasters and the boys and I spend a lot of time talking while we are standing in line.

As the Wednesday for our Cedar Point trip drew closer, Jeff announced to the boys: "I think that I'm going to skip the trip to Cedar Point this time. I'll just stay here and you all go and have fun." He thought the boys would be fine with that after all they were still getting what they wanted - roller coaster heaven on the banks of Lake Erie. Out of the blue, our oldest son Jordan who was 21 at the time blurted out, "I thought the reason why we came to visit you guys in Cleveland was so that we could all spend time together"! What could you say to that? That one comment changed our perspective and Jeff had a change of heart and we all headed to Sandusky!

The next letter in our HEART acrostic is "A" which stands for "arranging activities". A family needs to work together and play together. So many times in our families, each member of the family goes their separate ways instead of hanging out together. Of course you need to find balance. In order to put this into practice it takes intentional planning. It is okay to give your children a chance to plan the family activities as well. It could be anything from planning a trip to Cedar Point, cleaning out the garage together or raking leaves for an elderly neighbor - be creative! I think you might find that your family will have lots of fun with the service events as well. Unless we become more intentional about arranging activities together, family life becomes its own runaway roller coaster.

Let me know about some of your arranged activities?

New Logo Created for Next Generation Parenting

Thanks to the graphic skills of Tracy Wilkens, we have a new logo for the Next Generation Parenting blog and other parenting ministries here at Royal Redeemer. We believe it captures what the blog and our family ministry to and through parents is all about. Psalm 78:4 talks about telling the next generation all God has done. So as we talked about a design for Next Generation Parenting, we wanted to make it clear it is about sharing the message of Christ with the children of the next generation and they in turn, carrying the message of the cross to the one that will follow.

The Mexican Restaurant

To celebrate Jordan's birthday on year, we decided to eat a Mexican restaurant in Nashville where we were living at the time (no big surprise). We were finishing up our meal when Jeff decided to tell the waiter that is was Jordan's birthday.

All of a sudden all the waiters appeared with a sombrero for Jordan singing "Happy Birthday". To celebrate Jordan's birthday he had chosen a favorite local Mexican restaurant on the east side of Nashville. Secretly Jeff had informed our waiter than it was his birthday.

The waiter came bearing fried ice-cream. He set it down in front of Jordan and said something to him. Jordan nodded to him and the waiter picked up the spoon with some ice-cream on it as they finished the song. Jordan thought he was going to put the ice-cream in his mouth, but to his great surprise he quickly turned it over and put the spoonful on his nose - a real Kodak moment. You should have seen the look on Jordan's face. We laughed until we had tears rolling down our face.

We are on the letter "E" of heart this week and it stands for the importance of eating together. Recent research has pointed to the importance of this simple activity in terms of the bonding among family members. It is interesting that families today have to be very deliberate to make this happen - something that would have been a given a couple generations ago as many grew up on farms and of course, you ate each meal together.

It's not always easy today between long hours at work, school and after-school activities, but there is something so common, and yet so special, about sitting around the table and sharing a meal together. Although both our sons are in college and 800 miles away, one of the first things that we plan on visits back to Omaha is a time to eat together. There is conversation, catching up, remembrances and all these things help renew and strengthen the bond between us to this day.

The funny thing about those stories is that I called Josiah up on the phone last night and this is the humorous story he remembered about eating together. This probably happened at least 10 years ago. We still laughed about it for a long time as if it just happened a week ago!

Do you have a story that you would like to share about your family eating together. I sure would like to hear it!

GIVE ME AN H

We just finished our last session of the Bible Study called "Parenting is Heart Work" by Dr. Scott Turnsky and Joanne Miller. The book is all giving parents direction to help them shape their children's hearts. The authors took the word HEART to make an acrostic so I wanted to share their words of wisdom each week with you.



They began this last session by talking about having a relationship with your kids so that their hearts will stay open to you even during those hard years of being a teenager and continue on to adulthood. To have a relationship with your child(ren) takes work and doesn't happen overnight. It is doing some of the things they discussed in their DVD over and over with your children.



For example the first letter is "H" for having fun. So I wanted to share my experiences with you.



When I was growing up as a child, one of the things we did in my home was playing games together, especially "cards". The card game we played the most was Euchre. I remembered having so much fun playing different games so I wanted to pass this on to my own children.



When our family moved to Arkansas where Jeff started his ministry, I became a stay at home mom for the first time. Most evenings, Jeff had meetings in the evenings so our boys and I played board games. It gave us a time to talk and laugh. If people stopped over while we were playing, we invited our guests to play as well. On Saturdays, I remember all of us including Jeff would sit and play one of the many "Memory" games.



As our sons got older, we taught them how to play Euchre. They loved to be partners against Jeff and myself and had fun beating us.



Since we lived far away from our extended family, we would come back for a week or so and visit my parents and we would always see my grandmothers. One of the things my grandmother did was make dinner for us and as soon as we were done, she would say, "how about a game of cards"? The boys couldn't wait because they loved to play cards and they were able to get to know my grandmother a little more.



It was kind of funny that while we were still in Omaha and the boys were in high school. They said, "Why is it that we don't play games anymore like we used to". It made me think of how much they enjoyed sitting and playing. Now when we see our boys it seems like we are always pulling out a deck of cards or playing a game of Yahtzee.



Last Christmas, we took the boys who are 20 and 22 to see my grandmother who is 101. On the way, the boys wondered if grandma would want to play cards. We didn't have to wonder too long because as soon as we finished our lunch, she wanted to know who wanted to play cards? The boys enthusiastically replied, "We do"! What great memories we'll have of sitting around together as a family having fun together.



Assignment: Please feel free to share your story of how your family has fun together.

The Parade (or Lessons in Parenting 101)

It's amazing to watch parents at work because sometimes as parents we do and say some of the silliest things. If we would ever record what we have said or done, I think we would be surprised at our actions and what comes out of our mouths. Let me share a story of what I observed over a couple of years ...

A couple of years ago Jeff and I attended the grandiose Millard Days parade for a couple of years in a row (not quite Mardi Gras in New Orleans, but a close second :) . Now at this particular parade, it was important to arrive early if you wanted a curbside seat to watch the people in the parade. We wanted to see our boys in the marching band. I'm sure they were excited to see their parents jumping up and down and waving at them as they played their instruments (we really didn't do that ... much!). The first year, I brought a book to keep me entertained as I waited for the parade to begin, but I soon discovered I really didn't need a book to keep me busy!

There was another family near us who we saw each year - a grandma, a grandpa, a mom and two children who were at first around ages 3 and 5. They all got settled in on their blankets and cute little chairs, but had at least 45 minutes before the parade would start. As I watched, the two children had nothing to do - mom hadn't brought them anything and seemed genuinely surprised when the two children began to wrestle around. She tried the normal, "stop pushing your sister" - "stop hitting your brother." But then she brought out the big guns: "If you don't stop right now, we are leaving", she said. The children looked at her and stopped for a few minutes and then began picking on each other again. "I really mean it, if you don't stop, we are leaving". The children looked at her knowing just as I did - that she really had no intention of leaving, but as parents (me too) we often use that as a scare tactic. So they started in again and mom continued to offer no alternatives for the children. I can't even fully remember how many times she threatened to leave.

Finally she came up with a better idea. Let's walk over to the store and get some candy and snacks. So that's exactly what they did - (you know put something in their mouths that might help). They brought their bags and sat down for a short while and then they started whining again, "I'm bored"!, etc. This time, there were vendors coming down the street selling toys and balloons. Grandpa decided this would be the time he would intervene and buy them a toy and a balloon. We all can guess what happened to each of their balloons before they even got back to their seats, but they still had their toys. Then...the parade began!

I was glad I had brought my book just in case, but I didn't really need it...it was entertaining enough just to watch the family in front of me. I wanted to step in and say let's play a game, let's do something together... , but didn't.

The very next year, we were back in the same spot, and guess who our neighbors were? They were all there once again and the children were another year older, but unfortunately, they were not another wiser. The same scenario unfolded with the pushing, hitting, candy, toys and balloons sailing away into the Omaha sky. It was like acting out the Bill Murray movie, Ground Hog Day, but without Bill Murray to entertain us.

Have you ever watched parents do the silliest things - I know I have done some pretty silly things myself as a parent. For this time, I want you to share some humorous stories that you have seen other parents do. Don't worry we'll have time to share our own humorous stories later and believe me I have lots of them. Over Easter break, my twenty year old son was reminding me of my own silly parenting moments. Perhaps I'll be brave enough to share them later.

ASSIGNMENT: What is some of the silliest things you've either done or saw other parents do in terms interacting with their children or giving them ultimatums everyone knows they won't follow through on?

So What is a Next Generation Parent?

When you think of being a parent, do you simply rely on a biological definition that involves either the expected or unexpected consequences of dabbling in the birds and the bees? Or do you take a financial approach in calculating the latest cost of pampers per jar of strained squash, or knowing by heart the latest estimates of the dollars it takes to get that child out of diapers and through college? Or do we gravitate towards a sociological definition - taking in current cultural trends of households and fluid definition of what it means to be family?

A Next Generation Parent is one who approaches parenthood from a different perspective. They don't take all their cues from the latest sitcom to air or the newest so-called expert to join Oprah or Dr. Phil. This is a person who believes that since God designed this whole reproductive process, this same God has a plan for fatherhood and motherhood. They turn to the Scriptures, and from there, catch a broader and compelling understanding of what it means to be a mom or dad. One of the places they land is Psalm 78:4 which says:

"We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praise worthy deeds of the Lord, His power, and the wonders He has done."

Honestly, this call to tell the next generation doesn't limit itself to fathers or mothers, but includes every follower of Jesus Christ, and yet the primary focus in God's Word always begins in the home.

So this blog is dedicated to those moms and dads who get this and are committed to being that kind of next generation parent. We'll be asking you to respond to various blogs and questions with what you've seen or experienced. The goal is that we would encourage one another and help equip one another to be even stronger next generation parents and disciples of Christ.